Olympic Tidbits 2008 August 23, 2008
Posted by Ted in : ER, Sports , 6comments
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Aaarrrghhh!!! I missed the opening ceremony.
- I was impressed and inspired by Romanian Constantina Tomescu’s performance in the women’s marathon. She got about half a mile ahead of her competitors early in the race and didn’t slow down until she reached the olympic stadium. You might think a 38 year old would collapse from exhaustion after winning a 26 mile race, but after Tomescu crossed the finish line, she jogged laps around the stadium with the Romanian flag, smiling and waving at the fans. She’s the oldest person to win an olympic marathon.
- Another favorite moment was seeing Jamaican runner Usain Bolt go up into the stands after he won the 100 meter race and hugging about ten people at one time, including his mother and cheering fans of various nationalities. Then later he hammed it up for the cameras, pretending to be a boxer and flexing his muscles.
- The Bird’s Nest Stadium looks pretty cool at night, with its colorful lighting and spacey postmodern design. Unfortunately, from the air it looks like a giant toilet seat.
- I couldn’t help but laugh after BOTH the US men’s and the US women’s relay running teams dropped the baton during the handoff, which disqualified them from the race. Apparently, they assumed during training that the handoff was not something to worry about. A perfect illustration of the saying once uttered by Dr. Romano on ER: “When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME.”
- I’ve discovered how to use bullet points in my posts! The excitement never ends here in the crawlspace.
- Water polo is the silliest sport of all time. It’s similar to hockey or soccer, but the players move much slower because the game takes place in a swimming pool. The teams paddle back and forth and try to make goals, and they wear silly caps that resemble baby bonnets.
On a more serious note:
I have developed a strange dislike of Michael Phelps that I can’t quit explain. Maybe it’s the media overkill. Maybe it’s his slight arrogance and his description of himself as the Michael Jordan of swimming. I know that sounds hypocritical after my praise of Usain Bolt earlier in this post. Bolt’s excessive showboating surely makes Phelps look humble by comparison. Do I expect better behavior from Phelps because he’s white? I’m not sure. Or maybe he reminds me of somebody from my past that I didn’t like. I may have to consult a psychologist to figure this one out. In spite of my feelings, I’m going to try to have some sympathy for Phelps. In addition to receiving nonstop coverage in the media, he is already making millions of dollars in product endorsement deals. All the sudden fame and fortune they’ve dumped on him won’t be easy to deal with at the age of 23. Whatever his personal quirks, Phelps clearly deserves credit for his eight gold medals. Congratulations, Mike.
Lesser Heroes Unveiled August 18, 2008
Posted by Ted in : Heroes, Holiday Posts, Satire, Sci-Fi , 4comments
We’ve got nothing to worry about.
The exciting third season of Heroes begins September 22, and we at the crawlspace (basically me and my beta fish) will be letting all our calls go to voicemail on Monday nights. The writers of Heroes are always trying to come up with interesting new characters with unique superpowers. Since most of the really impressive powers, like super healing, mind reading, and time traveling, have already been used, the writers will have to start coming up with characters with less impressive powers in future seasons of the show. Here are a few new heroes in the works according to my inside sources (spoiler alert!):
Isaac Mendes, the precognitive artist who painted events of the future, was tragically killed by the evil Sylar. Isaac is gone but not forgotten. Following in his footsteps is his cousin Todd, who will have the ability to paint what happened five minutes ago. He does this with the aid of CNN and MSNBC, and some nice brushes his Aunt Jane gave him for Christmas. He uploads his creations to his blog several times a day and his family is really impressed with his entrepreneurial spirit.
Daphne “Tic Tac” Jacobs has the not too amazing ability to guess what people ate for lunch, which she does especially well if the person in question had a tuna sandwich or a Chef Boyardee product. Daphne is proud of her power. When she becomes aware of somebody’s meal choice, she announces it loudly for all their coworkers to hear.
Another departed hero is D.L. Hawkins, who had the power to walk through walls. Jeff “Turbo” Penaskovic has a similar power, although it’s somewhat less impressive. Turbo is only able to walk partially through walls. His power is usually demonstrated at parties after the first couple of kegs are empty. His other powers include bad dancing, and the ability to laugh at his own jokes.
Move over Hiro! Timmy “The Timemaster” Hutchins always knows the exact time and date when he’s wearing a special five dollar Timex he bought at Kmart. In future episodes he will also acquire the power to communicate with anybody in the world from any location that is within his cellphone coverage area.
Reginald “Spaghetti” Stevens, formerly a Princeton biochemist, accidentally spilled a vial of toxic chemicals into his coffee one night, and subsequently developed the ability to turn himself into a plate of spaghetti. Heroes insiders predict that after hiding his secret for many years, Reg will find a use for his power as an FBI informant.
Ever been stuck at a Thanksgiving dinner that turns into a home version of the Springer show? Or found yourself at a frat party where half naked people start yelling and breaking things? If so, you will appreciate the abilities of Midge “The Toastmistress” Evangale. Using her hypnotic powers to impart good manners and taste, she can turn the most uncouth gathering into a sophisticated social event.
Daniel “Pogo” Perez has the ability to leap 10 feet in the air. He has performed this feat only once, after he pulled a game sticker off the side of his french fries and found out he won a free order of french fries. Sadly, his power is hard to control and can’t be summoned at will, as he learned when he tried out for his college basketball team.
Valerie Smith has a superhuman level of patience. She has been known to stand in line at the grocery store for two hours because she invites others to break in front of her. Valerie is never frustrated by traffic jams. She sees them as a chance to brainstorm and organize her thoughts. When she was a young child she used to annoy her siblings by saying things like “I can’t believe it’s Christmas time already”. For fun she enjoys watching her plants grow and putting together two thousand piece jigsaw puzzles.
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