Inside the DTV Transition Nightmare, Part 3 December 17, 2008
Posted by Ted in : DTV, General, Satire , trackback
OK, I know I left you all hanging for several months in anticipation of the third exciting installment of my DTV blog series. Rest easy, my two faithful readers, for your patience has finally been rewarded.
After a prolonged period of painstaking and painful alliteration, I have reached the following conclusions about the digital television transition:
If you don’t have a state of the art television and you’re not a cable or satellite subscriber, you may find the DTV transition to be reminiscent of the following situations:
1. The first time you looked in the mirror after your parents forced you to get braces.
2. Getting an unplanned one day crash course in lion taming.
3. Staying awake for two days, then taking a physics exam without a calculator.
4. Running barefoot through hot gravel.
5. Getting the hiccups during a job interview.
3. Washing down your cold french fries with a warm, watery drink.
6. Trying out for the rodeo while intoxicated.
5. That time your prom date found a ride home with somebody else.
7. Having a tooth pulled with three fourths of the normal dose of anesthetic.
9. Getting bailed out of jail by your mother.
8. Having shoes thrown at you during a press conference.
In the previous episode, you may remember, I aquired a digital converter box from my local Radio Shack, and I somewhat naively believed that this would solve all my DTV transition issues. I was able to successfully set up the channels on my converter box, but I found that a couple of the channels would cut out or the picture would freeze. With digital channels, unlike analog, you get all or nothing. If the signal isn’t 100% strong, you get no picture. In a desperate attempt to fix this problem, I bought two new antennas, neither of which improved my reception very well. My only other option will be to put up an outdoor antenna, but I’m crossing my fingers and hoping that won’t be necessary.
Keep in mind that the reason I’m fooling around with antennas is to avoid having a monthly bill from a cable or satellite service. The subscription TV providers are the big winners in this huge scam by our Washington brain trust. February 17, 2009 is the day Dish Network, Direct TV, Charter, Bright House, and all the others hit the jackpot. These guys aren’t getting my money. I’ve never paid for television and never will, unless they figure out a way to outlaw free TV altogether, which will probably be the next step in the never ending downward spiral that is the American way of life. The other big DTV snafu that they don’t tell you about is the fact that you will no longer be able to tape one show on your VCR and watch a different show at the same time. You will either need to buy an extra television, or invest in an expensive Tivo system.
The bottom line is, you will have to pay out the butt for new TVs, cable and satellite services, antennas, and/or digital video recorders, unless you have already done so. It’s almost enough to make me give up TV and start dating again.
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Comments»
[...] admin wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptI was able to successfully set up the channels on my converter box, but I found that a couple of the channels would cut out or the picture would freeze. With digital channels, unlike analog, you get all or nothing. … [...]
Those are eight thought-provoking comparisons there. Wait, they aren’t eight, are they… hmmm… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 3, 6, 5, 7, 9, 8. So, the numbers out of order are 3, 5, 9. So, if you take out those numbers, the sequence is “normal,” so to speak. I wonder what’s so special about code numbers 3, 5, and 9? Only the members of the DTV resistance movement can answer that question, I suppose. Well, I imagine that I’ve been banned from their ranks since I’ve been plunking down my hard-earned money for cable and satellite TV for years now. Still, my heart goes out to the movement. Power to the people! By the way, the shot with the retro TV on the floor is excellent.
I may have to hire you as proof reader. How does 5 cents per typo sound?