Fringe is Chicken Soup for Your Sci-fi Soul October 12, 2008
Posted by Ted in : Fringe, Reviews, Sci-Fi, The X-Files , 2comments
The recipe for Fringe is familiar but comforting. First you take an FBI agent, a mad scientist, and a sardonic sidekick. Put them together in an old laboratory at Harvard, and have them solve various paranormal mysteries which are somehow connected into a larger phenomenon referred to by people in the know as “the pattern”. Their progress is sometimes helped and sometimes impeded by a shadowy megacorporation called Massive Dynamic that seems to already have some of the answers our team is searching for.
Walter Bishop, the eccentric scientist, was sprung from a mental institution by agent Olivia Dunham to aid in an investigation. In addition to working in his lab late at night, he also plays piano and hangs out with a cow and a bald guy who resembles Gary Numan. OK, you got me, he only did that once. Walter reminds me of a certain ex-boss of mine, except that the Fringe character is crazy in an endearing way instead of a mean and psychotic way. Walter’s son, the wisecracking Peter Bishop, acts as his father’s guardian and interpreter, which is a useful skill when the scientist rambles on incoherently about various subjects. Peter is played by Joshua Jackson who you remember from Dawson’s Creek. (Insert your own Katie Holmes joke here. Scientology is a perfectly valid and acceptable lifestyle choice, so don’t come looking for me, guys.)
FBI agent Olivia Dunham plays the straight lady to the Bishops’ father and son comedy routine. She was enticed into the realm of the paranormal after a mysterious disease put her boyfriend into a coma and gave him the complexion of an overripe banana. Dunham was consequently encouraged by her FBI boss to form as ongoing investigative team. I detect a potential love interest between her and Peter. There is some definite Scully-Mulder chemistry going on there.
Another similarity to the Files is that Fringe gets a little gory at times and makes you squirm around in your chair. The second episode was a particularly merciless assault on the squeamish among us. Let’s just say it dealt with the subject of pregnancy gone wrong, and it just got worse from there. I had taped the show on my VCR, and I felt compelled to stop the tape during one scene and fast forward through it. I’ve never been a fan of human suffering, or any other kind for that matter. Seems like one of the writers from the first season of Millennium might have taken over the show for what will hopefully be just one episode.
In spite of Fringe’s cringe factor, the show’s positives vastly outweigh its negatives. In addition to being intelligently written, humorous, and thought provoking, it has the one element necessary for a TV show’s survival: realistic, likable characters. In short, Fringe gets it right, and will hopefully elude the fate of other recent attempts at shows about paranormal investigators, such as the short lived Freaky Links, Miracles, and the blasphemous, unnecessary remake of The Night Stalker.
Mama Don’t Take My Robot Girl Away September 14, 2008
Posted by Ted in : Reviews, Sci-Fi, Terminator: tSCC , 2comments
So what if she tried to kill us and set our house on fire? It’s probably just a bad transistor. I’ll fix her. I know I can!
That was the plot of the 2nd season premiere episode of Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles on the Fox network. T:tSSC is a continuation of the events after the second Terminator movie (or T2, as it was fondly known to every man, woman, and child in 1991). It tells the story of evil time traveling robots (called “terminators”) from the future who are hunting Sarah Connor and her teenage son John. They are doing this to prevent John from fulfilling his destiny as the leader of the resistance moment against the evil robots in the future. The leader of these marauding tinkertoys is a highly advanced computer program known as “Skynet”, which is rumored in certain silicon valley coffee houses to be a future edition of Windows (Bill Gates was unavailable for comment). The ultimate goal of Skynet is, what else, the destruction of the human race. I’m scared!
The resistance movement, being no slouches themselves, have sent agents of their own back in time to assist our protagonists in their struggle. This includes a benevolent terminatress named Cameron (aka the robot girl, portrayed by the alluring Summer Glau) who is committed to protecting Sarah and John at all costs. She is super strong, rust resistant, and says cute things like, “I am not programmed to feel emotion” and “Sometimes you seem inefficient.”
The final episode of season 1 ended with Cameron caught in an exploding SUV, which caused many of us to be concerned with her safety as we awaited the show’s new season. In the premiere episode for season 2, she emerged slightly damaged from the wreckage but seemed to still be in possession of her robot senses. The only problem was that something had gone wrong with her software and suddenly she was trying to kill Sarah and John instead of protecting them. She limped into a convenience store and stapled her ripped face covering back together with a borrowed staple gun. Then she spent most of the episode tracking down her human subjects until they were able to sandwich her between the front bumpers of two semi trucks and remove the CPU (which looks suspiciously like a car cigarette lighter ) from her head. John reactivated her later, against mom’s wishes, but Cameron promised that she wouldn’t try to kill them anymore. Stay tuned for future developments.
I’m proud to say that I never saw any of the Terminator movies. But I was willing to give this TV series a chance. I watched a couple of episodes during the first season, and was less than thrilled. The problem I have is that the tone of the show is too overly serious for a such a silly sci-fi storyline. Nobody ever smiles in the universe of the Terminator franchise. Instead of interesting characters, we get the usual good-guy/bad-guy paint by numbers routine, along with plenty of explosions and car chases. Sarah seems to have no purpose in life except to protect her son John, and to save humanity from impending robot doom. John is totally unlikable, and seems incapable of any emotion beyond self absorption. I guess it’s asking too much to expect good writing in a TV spin-off of an old Schwarzenegger flick. Of course, Arnold went on to become the Governator, so maybe there’s still hope for The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
Lesser Heroes Unveiled August 18, 2008
Posted by Ted in : Heroes, Holiday Posts, Satire, Sci-Fi , 4comments
We’ve got nothing to worry about.
The exciting third season of Heroes begins September 22, and we at the crawlspace (basically me and my beta fish) will be letting all our calls go to voicemail on Monday nights. The writers of Heroes are always trying to come up with interesting new characters with unique superpowers. Since most of the really impressive powers, like super healing, mind reading, and time traveling, have already been used, the writers will have to start coming up with characters with less impressive powers in future seasons of the show. Here are a few new heroes in the works according to my inside sources (spoiler alert!):
Isaac Mendes, the precognitive artist who painted events of the future, was tragically killed by the evil Sylar. Isaac is gone but not forgotten. Following in his footsteps is his cousin Todd, who will have the ability to paint what happened five minutes ago. He does this with the aid of CNN and MSNBC, and some nice brushes his Aunt Jane gave him for Christmas. He uploads his creations to his blog several times a day and his family is really impressed with his entrepreneurial spirit.
Daphne “Tic Tac” Jacobs has the not too amazing ability to guess what people ate for lunch, which she does especially well if the person in question had a tuna sandwich or a Chef Boyardee product. Daphne is proud of her power. When she becomes aware of somebody’s meal choice, she announces it loudly for all their coworkers to hear.
Another departed hero is D.L. Hawkins, who had the power to walk through walls. Jeff “Turbo” Penaskovic has a similar power, although it’s somewhat less impressive. Turbo is only able to walk partially through walls. His power is usually demonstrated at parties after the first couple of kegs are empty. His other powers include bad dancing, and the ability to laugh at his own jokes.
Move over Hiro! Timmy “The Timemaster” Hutchins always knows the exact time and date when he’s wearing a special five dollar Timex he bought at Kmart. In future episodes he will also acquire the power to communicate with anybody in the world from any location that is within his cellphone coverage area.
Reginald “Spaghetti” Stevens, formerly a Princeton biochemist, accidentally spilled a vial of toxic chemicals into his coffee one night, and subsequently developed the ability to turn himself into a plate of spaghetti. Heroes insiders predict that after hiding his secret for many years, Reg will find a use for his power as an FBI informant.
Ever been stuck at a Thanksgiving dinner that turns into a home version of the Springer show? Or found yourself at a frat party where half naked people start yelling and breaking things? If so, you will appreciate the abilities of Midge “The Toastmistress” Evangale. Using her hypnotic powers to impart good manners and taste, she can turn the most uncouth gathering into a sophisticated social event.
Daniel “Pogo” Perez has the ability to leap 10 feet in the air. He has performed this feat only once, after he pulled a game sticker off the side of his french fries and found out he won a free order of french fries. Sadly, his power is hard to control and can’t be summoned at will, as he learned when he tried out for his college basketball team.
Valerie Smith has a superhuman level of patience. She has been known to stand in line at the grocery store for two hours because she invites others to break in front of her. Valerie is never frustrated by traffic jams. She sees them as a chance to brainstorm and organize her thoughts. When she was a young child she used to annoy her siblings by saying things like “I can’t believe it’s Christmas time already”. For fun she enjoys watching her plants grow and putting together two thousand piece jigsaw puzzles.
My Journey to Lost Island July 21, 2008
Posted by Ted in : Lost, Satire, Sci-Fi , 5comments
It was summer of 2008. The Lost season 4 finale had come and gone, and after four months of blogging about television, I still had not written a post about my favorite show. The problem in writing about Lost, of course, is in the complexity of its plot. People who watch the show on a regular basis have a hard enough time understanding it, so how do you explain it to those who don’t watch it at all? No easy task, considering the many unexplained developments throughout the history of the series.
In order to answer the many burning questions about Lost island, I decided I would have to go there myself. Using an old shortwave radio, I was able to contact Penny Widmore, who was setting off on an expedition to find the island, and made arrangements to travel aboard her ship. I was packing my bags when she called back and said her ship had left ahead of schedule, and that I would have to travel on her father’s freighter ship instead. Conditions aboard the freighter were less than hospitable. I was forced to do janitorial work, the food was terrible, and there were roaches everywhere. Half the crew was crazy, and the other half was mean as hell. When our ship got within sight of the island, some guy with big arms named Keamy told me they were sending me out on a scouting mission, then he threw me overboard. After about two hours of swimming I reached the shore and collapsed from fatigue and heatstroke. When I woke up I was lying in the shade under a tent. Kate was fanning me with a big leaf and Juliet gave me a coconut shell full of Hawaiian Punch to drink. “Don’t try to speak”, she said.
After recuperating peacefully for several weeks, Sayid decided I was a spy from the Others’ camp and imprisoned me in the hatch. After enduring several days of Sayid’s unpleasant interrogation techniques, which included beatings, sleep deprivation, and horrible karaoke singing, I was finally let out by Hurley, who told Sayid to lighten up. On my way back to the beach camp I encountered Desmond in the woods, who seemed to be communing with nature and having some kind of religious experience. I didn’t attempt to communicate with him. After re-joining the survivors on the beach, I became friends with Jin, who didn’t have much to say but taught me how to fish with a spear. I became fairly proficient at fishing and, by contributing to the food supply, was able to gain the trust of the community. Once I adjusted to the routine of island life, it seemed like a good time to start finding answers for all the confused Lost fans.
(to be continued)
How’s that mission going, shrimp?
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