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Quasi-Stoics Lounge

Hannah Montana, Rest in Peace

October 7, 2013 by Old Guy

Hi everyone its me Old Guy. Your probably wondering why an old guy like me is writing about something like Hannah Montana. Maybe your thinking its kind of strange for me to even have anything to say about this at all. Well to tell you the truth if my granddaughter Taylor hadnt been into it then I guarantee you I wouldnt of had a single word to say on the subject. But she pulled me into the situation the way that young girls will when they like something that all the other young girls like. I said to her what do you want for Christmas and she said Grandpa I want Hannah Montana this and Hannah Montana that. So what could I do in a situation like that but just say okay darling your grandpa will get that for you. And off I went to the shopping mall to look for whatever it was. I think the first time was for Christmas back in 2007 when Taylor was maybe around seven years old.

So I get to the shopping mall that first time and they say sorry were sold out and you should try somewhere else. And I go somewhere else but they didnt have it either because I got there too late. That really got my attention and I had to really wonder what it was about this Hannah Montana that was making all the young girls go bananas. Well Christmas came and Taylor opened her presents but there wasnt any Hannah Montana so she started to cry and said Grandpa you didnt keep your promise so I explained to her how I really tried but no luck. Now shes a real sweetheart and gave me a big hug and said thanks for trying anyway Grandpa. What an angel she is.

Lets try again in a few days I said and we went back to the shopping mall just before New Years and sure enough I found her a Hannah Montana lunchbox that she really liked. On the front of it theres this picture of Hannah Montana smiling all nice and friendly and holding a microphone since shes a singer. Now she looked like a nice enough young lady to me really nothing there to get anyone all worked up about. Honestly I didnt give it a second thought.

Well one day a couple of years ago Taylor was over visiting me and the wife with her mother Michelle whos my wifes daughter from her first marriage. Taylor got ahold of the TV control and right away went to the Disney channel where they were showing the Hannah Montana show. To be honest it didnt really impress me all that much. There was a lot of phony laughing like they do when they dont record the show in front of a live studio audience but I dont guess that should of surprised me really. The acting and the storyline didnt hold my attention at all because you know its just the usually kiddy stuff. But then Hannah Montana started singing something and I had to be fair and say wow thats not a bad set of pipes shes got there. You know there was real talent there. I guess thats when I sort of figured it out for myself which is that the whole Hannah Montana thing was all about that young lady having a pretty good voice and that the acting stuff was just kind of window dressing.

But it turned out that Hannah Montana meant more to Taylor than just the music as I would find out later. My granddaughter was actually really getting into the whole make believe story thing about the character and kind of thinking that she herself could be a Hannah Montana maybe a Taylor Tennessee or Taylor Texas or whatever. She actually had me buy her one of them bright pink battery power Hannah Montana microphones so she could practice being a rock singer but the sound coming out of that thing was total crap but Taylor didnt seem to notice. That made me a little mad when I thought about how Disney was making a killing selling me a bunch of plastic garbage but you know how it is you just put it out of your mind if it makes your granddaughter happy.

Well the years rolled by and Taylor kind of moved on to other things but you know me I had no idea. Taylor stopped asking for Hannah Montana for Christmas and I just forgot about it mostly. But it must have somehow been in the back of my mind because I remember one day not all that long ago I saw a commercial saying that Miley Cyrus who they tell me is the real person behind the Hannah Montana thing was going to do a show on MTV. So I kind of made a mental note to myself that maybe I could remember to put that on television in a few days because I knew that Taylor would be over to visit and I thought she might enjoy it. The wife knows something about working the TEVO for recording programs on the TV so she recorded the show so it would be ready for Taylor to watch when she came to visit. But quite honestly I cant figure out how the dammed thing works so I left it up to her. How people can put up with some of this technological stuff is beyond me.

So Taylors thirteen now and after she ate dinner with us the other night I said to her I got a surprise for you come in the living room and sit down. So the wife turned on the TEVO and it was the MTV show with Miley Cyrus on it and Taylor says oh my God but not in a good way I could see that right away. So you dont like her anymore I asked and Taylor made this really disgusted face and said no way Grandpa I am so over her. Okay no problem I am just going to turn this off but Taylor said no Grandpa lets watch it anyway I want to see how low shes gone this time. That kind of surprised me and shocked me sort of but I didnt say anything because you know how it is when you love your grandkids you just let them be who they are and love them without asking a bunch of questions.

Now Im not a religious person in the very least and I dont have any interest at all in telling people what to do or what to watch but quite honestly that show with Miley Cyrus crossed some kind of a line that wasnt supposed to be crossed. I think the thing was the great big cuddly teddy bears in the background while she was wearing a flesh suit and making heavy duty humping motions with her pelvis. Leave out the teddy bears and it might maybe be alright but with the teddy bears in there it was kind of a mixed message sort of like mixing two things that really didnt belong together which in my view was sort of creepy. I dont know I think that was bad taste or just a cheap shot sort of thing to pull. It was kind of like she was saying yeah I was Hannah Montana for all the happy little innocent girls but now Ive turned into a regular freak out humping machine so stick that up your nose you bunch of lousy old farts. It seemed like a real screw you and go to hell moment to me like she had something to get off her chest.

Miley Cyrus in 2013

In a way it kind of made me laugh because I remembered her dad Billy Ray Cyrus and how he tortured us all with that dammed achy breaky heart tune that got stuck in your head whether you wanted it to be there or not so it must be his just deserts to have to watch his daughter act like a complete fool and embarrass him in front of the whole world. Plus she stuck out her tongue a lot like she wanted it to be her new trademark or something but she needs to take tongue lessons from Gene Simmons of KISS because he is the master at that as we all know. You cant just stick out the tongue youve got to make it do something interesting as Gene himself will tell you all no doubt. Although I dont think that the fake blood would work for her like it has for Gene.

To be honest I felt pretty proud of my Taylor for seeing through all of that and not being influenced in the least. She does okay in school and is a responsible young lady who makes good decisions for herself and stays away from the kinds of kids that I used to hang out with when I was her age. I warned her about those kids and she listened to me so good for her.

But I also felt sort of sad because I remember how much Taylor loved Hannah Montana and how happy she was when I bought her the lunchbox and microphone. I guess those were more innocent days for my Taylor and its sad in a way to know that there gone forever and thrown in the trash like both of those old gifts certainly are. I also felt just a touch ticked off at Miley Cyrus for having taken a big nasty dump on top of those happy childhood memories but then I remembered that the whole Hannah Montana thing was never really about anything more than taking my money and giving me and my Taylor a load of phony crap in return. Still my granddaughter was entertained by it all for a few years so that meant something I guess.

Online the other day I found out that Shineed Oconner was fighting with Miley Cyrus on the Internet and some nasty words were passed back and forth between them. That kind of made me laugh because I remember ole Shineed from back in the 1990s when she ripped up the picture of the pope and how she had the shaved head thing going on. I read a little bit about how Shineed said that Miley was just allowing herself to be pimped by music execs and all that and then Miley came back saying that Shineed was a nutcase and could just go to hell for all she cared. Then I heard some rumor that Miley was smoking weed with the Snoopy Dog rapper who changed his name to Snoopy Lion. I suppose that hanging out with Snoopy Lion should be okay but you might want to be careful that you dont get shot because I read somewhere that he got ambushed one time some years back.

Well all of that just gave me the chuckles but again I still felt kind of sad thinking about how Taylor has had to watch her former childhood idol turn into something like this. I honestly dont know who this Miley Cyrus person is except that she probably has more money than she knows what to do with and probably a lot of extra time on her hands. I wish her well for the future and dont pretend to give her any advice because I know that she would just say Old Guy who asked you so just shut your hole. So Ive learned from good ole Shineed thats not going to work. And as for good ole Billy Ray Cyrus all I can say is your daughter just broke your poor ole achy breaky heart but you really had it coming my man so sorry to say it. She made you a rich man with a couple of years of Hannah Montana but I guess everything has its price doesnt it.

"Won't you tell me where my country lies?" said the unifaun to his true love's eyes...