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Lindsey Lohan Shoots Tacos Out of Water Cannon

April 8, 2012 by General Strangeness

Lady Gaga and Lindsey Lohan recently purchased pink outfits for their poodles after ordering their stainless steel knives by Chamaguchi for only $19.95, never need to be sharpened, and buy one for the price of ten -- this is a limited-time offer. Have your credit card ready, operators are standing by. Lady Gaga and Lindsey Lohan battle it out in monster trucks to resolve a long-standing dispute over an unpaid restaurant bill. Mitt Romney debates Barack Obama, challenges the President to a Wii dance marathon. Contact your doctor if you experience a congressional election lasting more than four hours. You know you want one.

monster truck

Bruce Springsteen is no longer The Boss since Donald Trump fired him after he finished in third place on American Idol. Do not mix cough syrup with antihistamines and Ripple wine then go driving around in your brand new Toyota Prius with up to 60 m.p.g. Never get a speeding ticket again! Buy the ultimate radar detection system invented by a nightclub stripper! Traffic cops hate her! Learn one weird trick discovered by a mom and a housewife to make your man fall in love with you and give him the daily nutrition that he needs using all natural ingredients, including reprocessed pig intestines, chicken beaks and pink slime. Man arrested for driving car into the amazing cure for severe migraine headaches.

Jim Morrison mug shot in Dade county

You've been looking for poodle outfits for years, but you never imagined that Justin Beiber would have the perfect acne medicine at a special discount price. Justin Beiber was kidnapped and beaten up by a gang wearing hoodies and demanding justice for Gilbert Gottfried, who now spends his time playing checkers in a cave. Falsely reported as having died, Jim Morrison was recently seen at Montana ranch and dropped his pants after refusing to grant an interview to a reporter.

You want a good dry cleaner. We can get out those stubborn spots using telekinetic mind beams. Plus, we levitate your laundry to your door upon request. We learned from George Jefferson. We're moving on up to a deluxe apartment in the ozone layer, which proves that global warming is a hoax.

levitating laundry

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Fish Taco

After her fifteenth court appearance for strangling baby seals, Lindsey Lohan shot Justin Bieber with fish tacos, all organic and made with North Atlantic filet of cod, served with sea salt fries. Bieber returned fire with a high-pressure blast of sirloin beef, rice pilaf and Caesar salad. Is it true love or mutual hostility? We'll have to watch this one closely. Gene Simmons had a cow's tongue surgically stitched on to his real tongue so he could clean himself in those hard-to-reach places. Mortgage rates slashed down to 4.3% APR, time to refinance! We have the best poodle outfits at the lowest price.

double rainbow

Double rainbows! Oh my God, double rainbows! What do they mean? Learn ancient Greek philosophy for only $19.95. Justin Bieber spotted skydiving nude with Barney the Dinosaur. Man's brain removed with rusty fork. Mount Everest successfully climbed by 102-year-old blind midget with type 2 hepatitis and Crohn's disease. Increase your libido and stamina for only $19.95 with poodle outfits hand-knitted by Justin Bieber. You know you want one.

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