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The Softer Side of Uncle Steve's

April 2010

We were blessed at yesterday's April Fools Day Concert -- an annual tradition at Uncle Steve's -- owing to a touching performance by the group I'm All Out of Love as Air Supply. The band actually only consists of two members, Frank Mervin and his wife Connie, who plays a small synthesizer keyboard with automated drum track. Frank sings lead harmonies with Connie providing the backing vocals. Their version of "Even the Nights Are Better" earned them a few scattered outbursts of applause, mostly from the Kirby and Coney crowd. They were surprisingly accompanied on this classic tune by Stab of Stab Skull, who, according to most of those present, sung with much sincere feeling and passion. "Air Supply was a big influence on me growing up," Stab admitted after his unexpected performance. "I can still sing from memory every one of the songs on the Lost in Love album." Stab seems to be recovering nicely from a recent bout of venereal disease.

Also performing last night was Dr. George Feldspar, Associate Professor of Interpretive Basket Weaving at Adlai Mortensen College, who did a solo set with a banjo. His songs include "Amazing Grace," "Swing Low Sweet Chariot," "Blowing in the Wind," and "Morning Has Broken," among other traditional American tunes. He's mostly been the opening act for Kirby and Coney in recent weeks, which gives you a pretty fair idea of his musical abilities. One good thing about having Dr. Feldspar play at Uncle Steve's is that he brings in several dozen of his students to watch him perform, since, as one of them told me herself, they are given extra academic credit for doing so. This student, who asked me not to reveal her name, told me that Dr. Feldspar is boring as a teacher, and even more boring at Uncle Steve's, plus she is sick of looking at his tan khaki pants, brown loafers, and blue shirt with ugly tie, and wishes that he would wear something else every now and then.

She also remarked that she would probably get a C in Dr. Feldspar's class this semester because of an F that he unfairly assigned her for the Venezuelan-styled fruit basket project simply because "according to him it didn't exhibit any perceivable Latin flair." That really hurt her feelings because she thought that her basket was awesome and she had worked on it with her roommate on a Friday night for several hours when they could have been out dancing at Spanky's Bar and Grill. Oh, and also one time he confiscated her cell phone in class because she was text messaging (it was a real emergency because her cousin had texted to say that she was pregnant) and the way he did it was so totally embarrassing to her and majorly inappropriate, so he is really going to get it from her when they do the teacher evaluation at the end of the semester, plus she plans to rip him good on Rate My Professor dot com. But I digress from the matter of music at Uncle Steve's, please forgive me for that.

- Jacob Silverman

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"Won't you tell me where my country lies?" said the unifaun to his true love's eyes...