May 15, 2011 by Old Guy

From the title you might think I'm going to tell you about how I hate going to church. But I'm not going to tell you that. I don't care one way or the other. I kind of like churches. The one I sometimes go to has cushioned pews and the music isn't too bad. When I'm listening to the minister I can get kind of sleepy especially after I've had a few pancakes for breakfast. I really don't mind the sermons most of the time.

Jesus was alright. I have no problems with Jesus. He never did anything to me. I like his long hair and his beard. Back in the 60s I used to look kind of like those paintings of Jesus but these days I look like Moses bringing down the Ten Commandments from the mountaintop. I'm heading backwards in the Bible. I'm well on my way to looking like Methuselah.

Funny thing is I used to look like Jesus and two cops broke my nose back in 1969 after I ran a stop sign. I don't guess they liked guys that looked like Jesus. Kind of ironic since they probably thought they were top notch Christians. Funny how that is.

Jesus is hip but I can't say the same thing about God. God is the CEO. God is the man. God holds the keys and calls the shots and kicks butt and takes names. The rules apply to you and me but not to him since he's the one who made the rules in the first place. So he does whatever he damn well pleases whenever he wants and if you don't like it well that's just too bad. God owns everything and the rest of us pay the rent. You better do what God says or he's going to send you to hell which he himself probably runs as a side operation and in a supervisory capacity with Satan as an employee. You know the good cop bad cop routine. I wonder if God has a paddle with holes in it like my old high school principal used to.

Now the devil sounds pretty bad too. The devil is behind all of that stuff that's so horrible you can't even stand to think about it for more than a second or two. Like military invasions. Like intercontinental ballistic nuclear missiles. Like awful stuff being done to innocent women and children. Like what happened to all my good buddies from way back when who got all strung out on smack and ended up dead before their hair even started to turn gray. Or maybe God was behind all of that because he hates junkies or something. I mean who can tell really?

See that's the thing. I'm not like some people out there who say God is all love and goodness and that the Bible is messed up and the preachers are all messed up along with the Pope and the Muslims and whatever. I'm not letting God off the hook. That's not the point.

Maybe the Bible is right and maybe not. Maybe the preachers and the Pope and Muslims are all right and maybe not. What do I care? You shouldn't care either.

We are all going to be dead soon enough and then it won't matter and NO I don't want to hear your big religious comeback on that one because you have nothing substantial to back up your views except your dusty old Bible written by people like you and me. People just call it the word of God because they like it. But you do what you want and don't pay any attention to me unless you really want to.

No. The bone I have to pick is with the big man himself aka God. I believe in him but he doesn't seem to have much interest in me and I don't care what the Bible or any preacher has to say. Just because you say it does not mean that is how it is. You talk all you want. I am listening but that does not make what you say any less or more true.

Listen up you soul saved Christian. What if YOU are wrong? How about this. What if we are BOTH wrong? Stop asking me questions that you already think you have the answer to.

God made the whole universe and probably a bunch of other universes that we don't know about. He put us on this planet out in the middle of nowhere and now we are multiplying out of control and driving cars all over the place. We are fouling up the air and the land and the water. We kill each other for fun. And one day God will send a massive meteor at us and put us out of our misery.

Come on God. That's pathetic. What's the deal with the human race? A few token moments of pleasure and satisfaction in the middle of a long hard slog filled with pain and suffering and disappointment and disillusionment and followed by old age and death? Is this some kind of sick joke? What were you thinking? What was the point in bringing us into existence in the first place? Love? You sure have a funny way of showing it. If you ask me God has been more like a super villain than a hero.

Some people say to me come on old guy there's no God just random chance. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. They say the whole religion idea is a humbug scam.

But this is not the Wizard of Oz. God is really out there but he could care less about us. He cares more about cockroaches because after a nuclear holocaust of our own making he will make them rulers of the planet.

We came up with this Bible idea of God is love and all of that but there is no proof and no hard evidence. It's just a pretty idea that people want to hear. You can make money with that idea if you like to lie to people and be a sleaze ball. Actually there is a lot more to suggest that God is sheer indifference. But that doesn't sound very happy does it? Not going to make money off of that one are you?

If you ask me Jesus did his whole thing on his own. Jesus was an awesome dude in spite of God not because of him. Jesus was loads nicer than God. Jesus was your buddy down the street and the guy who would stand up for you when nobody else cared whether you lived or died.

On the other hand God leaves you out in the cold rain all butt naked and sends a thunderbolt at you along with a hungry grizzly bear to finish you off. God had to be pacified with the blood of Jesus like a freaking vampire or something. What was the deal about God asking Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac? Talk about a serious ego problem. I am telling you that Jesus and God don't have all that much in common.

Now I'll admit that I'm mixing up the Bible God with the real deal God. The first one is pure speculation and the second one is a big whopping mystery. But don't ask me to separate them out right now because I'm on a roll.

Here is what I think. God doesn't feel sorry for you. It doesn't matter who you are.

You could be evil as hell and God would not do a thing to stop you and he'd help you get rich and powerful and you could own a mansion and a Rolls Royce. You could be a saint without a dollar to your name and God could make you work a slave wage job for the guy with the mansion and the Rolls Royce. I will say it again. God does not care one way or the other.

So now you know why I have issues with God. People who say they love God and serve and worship him are just scared of going to hell and think that God can help them to make a lot of money and will let them in heaven since they subscribe to the whole blood atonement thing which quite frankly doesn't make any sense. You ask why not? If you have to ask that question then you just don't get it so just forget it. Some ideas are just plain ridiculous and insulting and that is definitely one of them.

God just sounds like a dictator and a bully who always wins in the end because he kills you and takes your soul and either keeps if for himself or sends it down a chute to the incinerator in the basement. So people are scared of him and drive themselves totally nuts trying to figure out what he wants them to do so that he won't punish them and will give them the pleasures and privileges that they want. Just like how some people feel about their boss.

But I'm not scared of God and I'm not looking to get any favors out of him either. There are no divine rewards and no divine punishments except in our own imaginations. We just have a totally indifferent creator and we can do whatever we want. If we are going to do good to others and to ourselves it will be because it is the right thing to do and nothing else. Will God approve or disapprove? It doesn't matter in the end. I just have to answer to my own conscience.

Here are some lyrics from a favorite Blood Sweat and Tears song.

Now troubles are many, they're as deep as a well.
I can swear there ain't no heaven but I pray there ain't no hell.
Swear there ain't no heaven and I pray there ain't no hell,
But I'll never know by living, only my dying will tell.

Peace.