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A First Glimpse Inside the Dollhouse February 17, 2009

Posted by tvcrawlspace in : Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dollhouse, Reviews, Sci-Fi, Whedonverse , 2comments

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Dollhouse, the new offering by Buffy creator Joss Whedon, premiered last Friday on FOX, amid unprecedented levels of fan anticipation. The general premise of the show is as follows: a girl named Echo has escaped a prison sentence by volunteering to live in a facility known as the Dollhouse, where she becomes a human guinea pig for unscrupulous employers. Their shadowy operation resembles a sort of high tech prostitution ring, and they possess technology capable of reprogramming a person’s brain to give them specific character traits. The reprogrammed “actives”, as they are called, are then rented out to wealthy clients for various purposes, legal or otherwise. After the mission is completed, the active’s memories are wiped clean, and his or her mind is reverted back to its original state. Here are some additional thoughts on the show:

Continuing Adventures on Lost Island February 10, 2009

Posted by tvcrawlspace in : Lost, Satire, Sci-Fi , 2comments

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In the previous installment I decided it would be a clever idea to visit Lost Island in order to find answers about the mysterious show on ABC. I hitched a ride to the island on a freighter ship, and managed to assimilate myself into the Lost beach community without much trouble.

After a couple of weeks of attempting to pick the brains of the series regulars with questions about the ghostly apparitions, the hatch, the four toed statue, the whispering voices, and countless other phenomena on the show, they began to tire of my incessant badgering. One day, while I was talking to Juliet, Jack clapped me on the shoulder and said, “Look, Junior (as he had taken to calling me), we don’t know the answers any more than you do. If you really want to learn something you need to go visit the Others’ camp.” To which I replied, “Wouldn’t that be kind of dangerous?” He smiled. “Nah. You’ll be OK.”

It seemed like a risky proposition, but the next night I was compelled into action. I had joined several of my fellow islanders who were conversing around a campfire. I noticed Charlie sitting on the other side. “Are you the real Charlie or ghost Charlie?” I said half jokingly. He gave me a glare. “Just as real as you, mate.” To prove his corporality, Charlie picked up his guitar and launched into a never ending rendition of “You All Everybody”, in the style of “99 Bottles of Beer”. After Hurley and a drunken Sayid joined in people started to get up and leave. Then suddenly everybody was gone. Not just the people, but the whole camp site too, including the bag of Dharma marshmallows I had been contemplating. Apparently I had gotten a demonstration of the islands new annoying time-spaz feature.

After unsuccessfully looking around for a few minutes for clues of my when-abouts, I sat down in the sand and began to consider my options. I looked out at the dark ocean and didn’t see any lights from nearby ships. It began to sink in that I had gotten myself stuck here for the unforeseeable future. I decided the next morning I would take Jack’s advice and head for the Others’ camp. I would find Ben or Richard, and hopefully one of them would point me in the right direction. Luckily I still had my backpack with me, which had been sitting next to me when the timeshift occurred. It contained my notebook, some snacks, a compass, and some other helpful survival items.

In the morning I set out on my journey through the woods. It wasn’t long before I encountered Desmond again, and I was relieved to see that somebody else was still on the island. This time he had fashioned himself a loin cloth out of scrap boar hide. He ran after me frantically, yelling “You’re gun tah die, Crawlspace!” I asked him what the hell he was talking about. He handed me a religious brochure explaining how I could gain eternal life by joining his new nature-based religion. I thanked him for the information, and promised to return later to discuss what I had read. After I resumed my hike, it occurred to me that I should have mentioned to Dez that his long lost girlfriend Penny might be on her way to the island and that he should get himself cleaned up a little bit.

A couple of hours of later I stopped to drink some water from my canteen and munch on some dried mango. Suddenly everything went dark and there was a strong gust of wind that knocked me off the rock I was sitting on. At first I suspected another time shift, but when I looked up I realized that the infamous smoke monster had found me. I grabbed my gear and started to run, but the dark cloud knocked me down and started to drag me by my feet. I kicked my way free, then picked up the largest rock I could find and hurled it at the thing. The rock went through the middle of the cloud and bounced on the ground behind it. A big toothy grin appeared where the rock went through and the smoke monster started to laugh. “You’re not too bright, are you?” he said.

(to be continued)

Midseason 2009 TV Explosion! January 6, 2009

Posted by tvcrawlspace in : 13 Fear is Real, 24, 30 Rock, Amazing Race, American Idol, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dollhouse, Fringe, General, Hell's Kitchen, Heroes, Holiday Posts, Howie Do It, Kath & Kim, Lost, Midseason, My Name is Earl, Reality TV, Reviews, Sci-Fi, Smallville, Terminator: tSCC, The Office , 7comments

 January is here. The festivities and laziness of the holiday season are behind us. It’s time for everyone to once again get serious about things, get back to work, and face up to the hard cold reality of life. Right?

Wrong! January is the time of year we TV watchers plunge head first into some serious escapist entertainment, and here at TV Crawlspace the only reality we’ll be facing is reality television. In just a few days, a massive wave of midseason premieres will hit like a tsunami, carrying us helplessly out into the television ocean, hopefully never to return again.

For TV Guide’s complete schedule of midseason premieres, click here.

Here’s a rundown of shows I’m looking forward to (and a couple I’m not looking forward to) in chronological order:

13 Fear is Real - (starts Wed., Jan. 7 on CW 8/7c)
This is a spooky themed reality show that might be amusing, something along the lines of Survivor meets Blair Witch Project. I hope there’s something more going on here than guys in masks jumping out and scaring contestants.

NBC comedy night done (halfway) right - (all four shows resume on Thur., Jan. 8 on NBC 8/7c)
My Name is Earl - This has been a little bit better this season, with a half hearted attempt to return to the theme of redemption (Earl’s list) that made the show so appealing in the first season.
Kath & Kim - I watched this show just to see how bad it was, and to my surprise I liked it. Slightly demented but well written, it’s sort of a kinder, gentler version of John Waters. Everybody on this show apparently works in a mall. How cool is that?
The Office - This has been brilliant as usual. I especially liked the episode where Jim and Pam had their first disagreement. I hope this is a foreshadowing of things to come. I think I like them better as enemies than lovers. Is it just me, or are all the female characters on this show mean and vindictive?
30 Rock - As a fan of Tina Fey during her SNL days, I wanted to like this overhyped show, but the cutesy self-satisfied tone of it left me cold. The jokes aren’t funny, and the endless parade of guest stars can’t make up for the show’s lack of direction. The emperor has no clothes!

Howie Do It - (starts Fri. Jan. 9 on ABC 8/7c)
This appears to be a hidden camera prank type show with Howie Mandel. I may watch the one episode that is aired before the show is cancelled.

24 - (starts Sun. Jan. 11 on FOX 8/7c)
What I always liked about 24 was its sci-fi elements, like the spacey soundtrack, and the high tech gadgetry. This season Janeane Garofalo plays the new computer guru, Janis Gold. According to TV Guide, “Mid-season run-ins with Chloe should make for hot geek-on-geek action.”

American Idol - (starts Tue. Jan. 13 on FOX 8/7c)
It is what it is.

Smallville - (returns Thur. Jan. 15 on CW 8/7c)
I’ve gotten hooked on this show again after sitting out for a couple of seasons. It seems unfair that Smallville’s best season ever may be its last, although I don’t know if that’s been made official yet.

Supernatural - (returns Thur. Jan. 15 on CW 9/8c)
Another CW show that I’ve rediscovered. It seems to have improved a lot since its first season. CW deserves credit for giving shows like this and Smallville a chance, and not axing them at the drop of a hat.

Fringe - (returns Tue. Jan. 20 on FOX 9/8c)
This sci-fi drama from the co-creator of Lost is my favorite new show of the year. Run and tell your friends.

Lost - (starts Wed. Jan. 21 on ABC 9/8c)
There are few television pleasures that compare with getting lost in Lost. It’s pretty amazing that a show this weird could stay on the air for five years, but it’s been reported that season 6 in 2010 will be the last.

Hell’s Kitchen - (starts Thur. Jan. 29 on FOX 9/8c)
Not a great time slot for Chef Ramsey this time around. He’s going up against The Office and the ratings powerhouse Supernatural.

Heroes - (returns Mon. Feb. 2 on NBC 9/8c)
This quality of this show has fallen faster than Nathan Petrelli during an eclipse. The storylines seem to be wandering aimlessly. Too many characters to keep up with is part of the problem. Some have suggested it could be the show’s last season if the ratings don’t improve.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles - (returns Fri. Feb. 13 on FOX 8/7c)
FOX is moving this to Fridays, where it will be paired up with Dollhouse.

Dollhouse - (starts Fri. Feb. 13 on FOX 9/8c)
This is the one that everyone’s waiting for, the new show from Buffy/Angel mastermind Joss Whedon, but there have reportedly been problems in production and FOX has now relegated the show to the dreaded Friday night time slot (set to debut on Friday the 13th, no less). Of course, the X-files thrived on Fridays, so there’s still hope.

The Amazing Race - (starts Sun. Feb. 15 on CBS 8/7c)
My favorite reality show will feature less airports this season, according to TV Guide.

Somebody Save Smallville! November 23, 2008

Posted by tvcrawlspace in : Heroes, My Name is Earl, Reviews, Sci-Fi, Smallville , 2comments

 

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(Editor’s note: I was two episodes behind when I wrote this post, so it does not reflect the most recent developments of the show. I just watched the last amazing episode before the mid-season break, and it contains lots of new developments. So, even though I’m a little out of date on this post, I like to think of it as marking a specific moment in time.)

Attention all readers: It’s time for us to jump in the phone booth, put on our tights, and save Smallville, the WB’s long running saga of Superman. “Who me?”, you ask. “I’m just a shoeshine boy, how on earth do I save the most powerful hero in DC comics?” Well, it’s not as hard at it seems. Just watch the WB on Thurdsay nights. After enjoying several episodes of what has been hinted to be Smallville’s FINAL SEASON, I can say with certainty that this show needs to be saved! I would even argue that it beats the current season of Heroes. Gasp!

I admit I had gone splitsville from Smallville for the last couple of seasons. The storylines seemed like retreads of the same old territory: meteor-powered villian captures Chloe, Lana, or Lois. After being temporarily debilitated by the kryptonite studs on the villian’s sneakers, Clark bounces back just in time to save the damsel or dude in distress. I started to wonder if the writers were running out of ideas, or had just stopped caring. I found it hard to warm up to some of the new characters like Oliver Queen (a.k.a. the Green Arrow) and Kara (Supergirl). Most of all, the romantic entanglements were making the show unwatchable. The Lex and Lana debacle drove me to watch My Name is Earl instead. Even the show’s original producers finally lost interest and called it quits.

This time around I decided to give the show some unconditional love and return for its eighth and possibly final season, for which I was amply rewarded. With the ever-brooding Lex and the eternally conflicted Lana out of the picture, the show has a newfound spring in its step and a shine on its shoes. After seven seasons chronicling Clark Kent’s youth, the show has finally reached several pivotal moments in the Superman mythology, such as Clark beginning his job at the Daily Planet, and contemplating his role as a superhero.

The best part of this season has been the lively banter between Lois and Clark. The two characters seem more real than ever before. Kent’s chemistry with his friend-turned-coworker is off the charts. In earlier seasons they sparred like sibling rivals, but their friendship has evolved into something much spicier. They still seem to be in denial about their feelings for each other, although rumors say that could change later in the season. In keeping with the comic book tradition, Lois still doesn’t know about Clark’s superpowers, even though he’s saved her life several times.

The other vital character on the show is, of course, Chloe Sullivan, Clark’s best friend and all purpose computer guru and rogue journalist. A lot of us reclusive, aging Smallville fans like to think that Chloe is a real person. When we’re writing our blogs we ask ourselves, “What would Chloe write?” She has now made it onto her own hypothetical wall of weird and developed meteor-based mega intelligence. As a result of the upgrade, she has turbocharged hacking skills, super memory, and can multitask like nobody’s business. I’m not so crazy about this development. First of all, it makes her a target. She has already been captured by Luthercorp, who sought to exploit her ablilities for their own devious purposes. Even worse, in recent episodes we have seen signs of impending villianhood for Miss Sullivan. When she used her brain to hot wire the Kryptonian thingamajig, her eyes went white and she became super strong. Also, she killed somebody. This will not do. I want the old Chloe back. She was smart enough without the super powers. They should donate her extra intelligence to somebody who really needs it, like Earl’s annoying brother Randy.

Aside from this minor complaint, Smallville is better than ever this season. If you’ve never seen it, now is the time. Together we can boost the ratings and save this great show. The citizens of Metropolis are depending on you.

Fringe is Chicken Soup for Your Sci-fi Soul October 12, 2008

Posted by tvcrawlspace in : Fringe, Reviews, Sci-Fi, The X-Files , 2comments

 

 

The recipe for Fringe is familiar but comforting. First you take an FBI agent, a mad scientist, and a sardonic sidekick. Put them together in an old laboratory at Harvard, and have them solve various paranormal mysteries which are somehow connected into a larger phenomenon referred to by people in the know as “the pattern”. Their progress is sometimes helped and sometimes impeded by a shadowy megacorporation called Massive Dynamic that seems to already have some of the answers our team is searching for.

Walter Bishop, the eccentric scientist, was sprung from a mental institution by agent Olivia Dunham to aid in an investigation. In addition to working in his lab late at night, he also plays piano and hangs out with a cow and a bald guy who resembles Gary Numan. OK, you got me, he only did that once. Walter reminds me of a certain ex-boss of mine, except that the Fringe character is crazy in an endearing way instead of a mean and psychotic way. Walter’s son, the wisecracking Peter Bishop, acts as his father’s guardian and interpreter, which is a useful skill when the scientist rambles on incoherently about various subjects. Peter is played by Joshua Jackson who you remember from Dawson’s Creek. (Insert your own Katie Holmes joke here. Scientology is a perfectly valid and acceptable lifestyle choice, so don’t come looking for me, guys.)

FBI agent Olivia Dunham plays the straight lady to the Bishops’ father and son comedy routine. She was enticed into the realm of the paranormal after a mysterious disease put her boyfriend into a coma and gave him the complexion of an overripe banana. Dunham was consequently encouraged by her FBI boss to form as ongoing investigative team. I detect a potential love interest between her and Peter. There is some definite Scully-Mulder chemistry going on there.

Another similarity to the Files is that Fringe gets a little gory at times and makes you squirm around in your chair. The second episode was a particularly merciless assault on the squeamish among us. Let’s just say it dealt with the subject of pregnancy gone wrong, and it just got worse from there. I had taped the show on my VCR, and I felt compelled to stop the tape during one scene and fast forward through it. I’ve never been a fan of human suffering, or any other kind for that matter. Seems like one of the writers from the first season of Millennium might have taken over the show for what will hopefully be just one episode.

In spite of Fringe’s cringe factor, the show’s positives vastly outweigh its negatives. In addition to being intelligently written, humorous, and thought provoking, it has the one element necessary for a TV show’s survival: realistic, likable characters. In short, Fringe gets it right, and will hopefully elude the fate of other recent attempts at shows about paranormal investigators, such as the short lived Freaky Links, Miracles, and the blasphemous, unnecessary remake of The Night Stalker.

Mama Don’t Take My Robot Girl Away September 14, 2008

Posted by tvcrawlspace in : Reviews, Sci-Fi, Terminator: tSCC , 2comments

 

 

So what if she tried to kill us and set our house on fire? It’s probably just a bad transistor. I’ll fix her. I know I can!

That was the plot of the 2nd season premiere episode of Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles on the Fox network. T:tSSC is a continuation of the events after the second Terminator movie (or T2, as it was fondly known to every man, woman, and child in 1991). It tells the story of evil time traveling robots (called “terminators”) from the future who are hunting Sarah Connor and her teenage son John. They are doing this to prevent John from fulfilling his destiny as the leader of the resistance moment against the evil robots in the future. The leader of these marauding tinkertoys is a highly advanced computer program known as “Skynet”, which is rumored in certain silicon valley coffee houses to be a future edition of Windows (Bill Gates was unavailable for comment). The ultimate goal of Skynet is, what else, the destruction of the human race. I’m scared!

The resistance movement, being no slouches themselves, have sent agents of their own back in time to assist our protagonists in their struggle. This includes a benevolent terminatress named Cameron (aka the robot girl, portrayed by the alluring Summer Glau) who is committed to protecting Sarah and John at all costs. She is super strong, rust resistant, and says cute things like, “I am not programmed to feel emotion” and “Sometimes you seem inefficient.”

The final episode of season 1 ended with Cameron caught in an exploding SUV, which caused many of us to be concerned with her safety as we awaited the show’s new season. In the premiere episode for season 2, she emerged slightly damaged from the wreckage but seemed to still be in possession of her robot senses. The only problem was that something had gone wrong with her software and suddenly she was trying to kill Sarah and John instead of protecting them. She limped into a convenience store and stapled her ripped face covering back together with a borrowed staple gun. Then she spent most of the episode tracking down her human subjects until they were able to sandwich her between the front bumpers of two semi trucks and remove the CPU (which looks suspiciously like a car cigarette lighter ) from her head. John reactivated her later, against mom’s wishes, but Cameron promised that she wouldn’t try to kill them anymore. Stay tuned for future developments.

I’m proud to say that I never saw any of the Terminator movies. But I was willing to give this TV series a chance. I watched a couple of episodes during the first season, and was less than thrilled. The problem I have is that the tone of the show is too overly serious for a such a silly sci-fi storyline. Nobody ever smiles in the universe of the Terminator franchise. Instead of interesting characters, we get the usual good-guy/bad-guy paint by numbers routine, along with plenty of explosions and car chases. Sarah seems to have no purpose in life except to protect her son John, and to save humanity from impending robot doom. John is totally unlikable, and seems incapable of any emotion beyond self absorption. I guess it’s asking too much to expect good writing in a TV spin-off of an old Schwarzenegger flick. Of course, Arnold went on to become the Governator, so maybe there’s still hope for The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Lesser Heroes Unveiled August 18, 2008

Posted by tvcrawlspace in : Heroes, Holiday Posts, Satire, Sci-Fi , 4comments

 

We’ve got nothing to worry about.

 

The exciting third season of Heroes begins September 22, and we at the crawlspace (basically me and my beta fish) will be letting all our calls go to voicemail on Monday nights. The writers of Heroes are always trying to come up with interesting new characters with unique superpowers. Since most of the really impressive powers, like super healing, mind reading, and time traveling, have already been used, the writers will have to start coming up with characters with less impressive powers in future seasons of the show. Here are a few new heroes in the works according to my inside sources (spoiler alert!):

Isaac Mendes, the precognitive artist who painted events of the future, was tragically killed by the evil Sylar. Isaac is gone but not forgotten. Following in his footsteps is his cousin Todd, who will have the ability to paint what happened five minutes ago. He does this with the aid of CNN and MSNBC, and some nice brushes his Aunt Jane gave him for Christmas. He uploads his creations to his blog several times a day and his family is really impressed with his entrepreneurial spirit.

Daphne “Tic Tac” Jacobs has the not too amazing ability to guess what people ate for lunch, which she does especially well if the person in question had a tuna sandwich or a Chef Boyardee product. Daphne is proud of her power. When she becomes aware of somebody’s meal choice, she announces it loudly for all their coworkers to hear.

Another departed hero is D.L. Hawkins, who had the power to walk through walls. Jeff “Turbo” Penaskovic has a similar power, although it’s somewhat less impressive. Turbo is only able to walk partially through walls. His power is usually demonstrated at parties after the first couple of kegs are empty. His other powers include bad dancing, and the ability to laugh at his own jokes.

Move over Hiro! Timmy “The Timemaster” Hutchins always knows the exact time and date when he’s wearing a special five dollar Timex he bought at Kmart. In future episodes he will also acquire the power to communicate with anybody in the world from any location that is within his cellphone coverage area.

Reginald “Spaghetti” Stevens, formerly a Princeton biochemist, accidentally spilled a vial of toxic chemicals into his coffee one night, and subsequently developed the ability to turn himself into a plate of spaghetti. Heroes insiders predict that after hiding his secret for many years, Reg will find a use for his power as an FBI informant.

Ever been stuck at a Thanksgiving dinner that turns into a home version of the Springer show? Or found yourself at a frat party where half naked people start yelling and breaking things? If so, you will appreciate the abilities of Midge “The Toastmistress” Evangale. Using her hypnotic powers to impart good manners and taste, she can turn the most uncouth gathering into a sophisticated social event.

Daniel “Pogo” Perez has the ability to leap 10 feet in the air. He has performed this feat only once, after he pulled a game sticker off the side of his french fries and found out he won a free order of french fries. Sadly, his power is hard to control and can’t be summoned at will, as he learned when he tried out for his college basketball team.

Valerie Smith has a superhuman level of patience. She has been known to stand in line at the grocery store for two hours because she invites others to break in front of her. Valerie is never frustrated by traffic jams. She sees them as a chance to brainstorm and organize her thoughts. When she was a young child she used to annoy her siblings by saying things like “I can’t believe it’s Christmas time already”. For fun she enjoys watching her plants grow and putting together two thousand piece jigsaw puzzles.

My Journey to Lost Island July 21, 2008

Posted by tvcrawlspace in : Lost, Satire, Sci-Fi , 5comments

 

 

It was summer of 2008. The Lost season 4 finale had come and gone, and after four months of blogging about television, I still had not written a post about my favorite show. The problem in writing about Lost, of course, is in the complexity of its plot. People who watch the show on a regular basis have a hard enough time understanding it, so how do you explain it to those who don’t watch it at all? No easy task, considering the many unexplained developments throughout the history of the series.

In order to answer the many burning questions about Lost island, I decided I would have to go there myself. Using an old shortwave radio, I was able to contact Penny Widmore, who was setting off on an expedition to find the island, and made arrangements to travel aboard her ship. I was packing my bags when she called back and said her ship had left ahead of schedule, and that I would have to travel on her father’s freighter ship instead. Conditions aboard the freighter were less than hospitable. I was forced to do janitorial work, the food was terrible, and there were roaches everywhere. Half the crew was crazy, and the other half was mean as hell. When our ship got within sight of the island, some guy with big arms named Keamy told me they were sending me out on a scouting mission, then he threw me overboard. After about two hours of swimming I reached the shore and collapsed from fatigue and heatstroke. When I woke up I was lying in the shade under a tent. Kate was fanning me with a big leaf and Juliet gave me a coconut shell full of Hawaiian Punch to drink. “Don’t try to speak”, she said.

After recuperating peacefully for several weeks, Sayid decided I was a spy from the Others’ camp and imprisoned me in the hatch. After enduring several days of Sayid’s unpleasant interrogation techniques, which included beatings, sleep deprivation, and horrible karaoke singing, I was finally let out by Hurley, who told Sayid to lighten up. On my way back to the beach camp I encountered Desmond in the woods, who seemed to be communing with nature and having some kind of religious experience. I didn’t attempt to communicate with him. After re-joining the survivors on the beach, I became friends with Jin, who didn’t have much to say but taught me how to fish with a spear. I became fairly proficient at fishing and, by contributing to the food supply, was able to gain the trust of the community. Once I adjusted to the routine of island life, it seemed like a good time to start finding answers for all the confused Lost fans.

(to be continued)

 

How’s that mission going, shrimp?